Cautionary Tale

I'm a nice person. Really, I am.

But in certain circles, I'm also known as someone not to be crossed.

Perhaps it's because I hail from a long line of lawyers and criminals, but I've always upheld a certain unspoken code I like to call "one-up retribution." Here's how it works: You mess with me? I mess with you back...only WORSE.

Like when I was a kid, if my mom sent me to my room for some minor infraction, I'd retaliate by hiding her contacts and car keys for three days. Or in college, if my roommate snapped at me for neglecting to clean the bathroom, I'd respond by scrubbing the toilet to a high shine with her facial loofah.

And if my beloved metal-legged couch BROKE MY TOE? Well, I'd just have to put it on Craig's List. Immediately.

And so allow me to introduce the newest addition to my living room...the Crate and Barrel Petrie sofa. Clean lines, snappy mid-century styling and nary a metal leg in sight.

And as for the rest of you home furnishings? Let this be a WARNING to you. Don't mess with me.

Or next time? The rug GETS it.