A First

Sometimes there is very little to distinguish us in this life.

For as long as I can remember, I have prided myself on at least five things that, while seemingly insignificant and sort of ridiculous, are things I have been quite smugly self-satisfied about:

1. I have never eaten a burrito. Really.
2. I have never peed my pants, or my bed (This one was more of a bragging right in college, when there was a lot of drunken bed-wetting going on. Now it is admittedly kind of weird).
3. I am an excellent parallel parker. Like, REALLY good.
4. I have yet to find a single gray hair.
5. I have never broken a bone.

And so it is with a heavy heart that I must tell you that today that list got a little shorter. (NO, I did not find a gray hair, thank you very much. It's worse than that. )

I broke a bone. A small break in the scheme of things...a toe. A pinkie toe (that would be the littlest piggy of the bunch...the one that went "wee wee").

But a break is a break.

I am whiny because it hurts...hurts to stand...hurts to walk...hurts apparently just for the sake of hurting. Who knew the pinkie toe was connected to practically everything else in the body? That one tiny, pudgy appendage could be solely responsibly for keeping a person from falling over? But IT IS.

I am mortified about having to sport "buddy-taped" toes and a hideously unattractive navy (navy!) orthopaedic boot for the next 3-4 weeks. This is sure to throw off ALL my hem lengths and make dressing myself with a modicum of style and dignity pretty damn impossible.

I am dreading the presentation I will make to a ballroom full of PR ladies and gents three days from now in full-on gimp mode, as well as the business trip that will send me hobbling through the airport at 5 a.m. Monday morning to make a LASTING impression on some new clients.

But mostly? Mostly I'm just flat out mad. Mad that now -- after narrowly making it through the usual pratfalls of childhood and college and early adulthood -- I've broken my no-break streak. That is just SILLY. Equally silly is the way I broke it: Ready for this? I broke it while chasing Jack around the living room. Playing "tickle monster." Classic couch-leg collision.

But you know what? When I go out, I like to go out BIG. So pass me a burrito as big as my head, and I'll chase it with the 64-ounce beverage of my choice. Because tonight? Tonight I plan on peeing my pants BIG TIME. This little piggy's going wee wee all the way home.

Now THAT will be a distinguishing moment.