Eyes on the Prize

During this season of traditions passed on through the generations, let's pause to reflect on one of the most time-honored and, frankly, justified traditions of them of all.

I am, of course, talking about the Pushin' Prize.

Expectant fathers will pretend to not know what this is, but Vicki Iovine does a pretty good job of laying it out for them in her bestselling pregnancy tome, which reads:

The Girlfriends' Guide heartily recommends that you show up with a gift of some sort shortly after the baby is born. You will almost never go wrong with jewelry....It indicates an appreciation of the value of the chore she has just performed. If people get generous rewards simply for finding lost dogs, your wife is now entitled to the Hope Diamond for the service she has just rendered.

And then some. Am I right, ladies?

When I had my first son, I made sure my husband knew, well in advance, ALL ABOUT the pushin' prize tradition, and he eventually coughed up a very lovely diamond bracelet to commemorate the occasion.

This time around, I'm being a bit more practical. Or maybe just wanting to see him work a little bit harder. Because this time I know exactly what it is I'll be expected to do in that Labor and Delivery room. And there ain't no diamond large enough.

I am a light fixture person, meaning that when I move into a house, I set my sights on replacing every single crap light fixture in said house with something FABULOUS. This little habit has caused my husband (now on house number three and light fixture number infinity) to harbor an EXTREME LOATHING of 1) pendant lights and 2) my requests that he hang them. Made worse by the fact that these requests typically require him to McGuyver a mid-century light fixture into a turn-of-the-century house using only a few modern-day parts from Home Depot and a tampon string.

Difficult, yes, but it CAN be done, with about seven excruciating hours of effort and a WHOLE lot of sweating and swearing.

Sounds a little like childbirth, doesn't it?

Do you see where I'm going here?

For baby two, I declared that I didn't expect jewelry. And the man was visibly relieved until I said that INSTEAD, I would like him to pretty pretty please replace this hideous and extremely vexing spotlight fixture in our master bedroom...

...with this soft, lovely, enormous PENDANT LIGHT. BWAH HA HA!!!!

(I'm not sure if I did the evil laugh out loud, but I definitely THOUGHT it.)

Good husband that he is, he caved, spending one of the last warm and sunny afternoons of the long Thanksgiving weekend on a ladder (muttering something about a "stupid upside-down wedding cake.") And I'm rather pleased with the result:

Though I must admit, I'm a little disappointed that this time it only took him two hours to get 'er done, start to finish. I was expecting it to be more drawn out and painful, but I guess these things get a little faster, and a little easier, every time you try.

And if that's the case for the prize, can one not extrapolate that the same will hold true for the pushin'?

Here's hoping.

Just...Wow.

How do you know the pregnancy hormones have TAKEN OVER YOUR BODY?

When listening to this cheesy Mariah Carey Christmas song makes you cry. Really hard. AND leak breast milk.

That's how.

(Though you have to admit, the lyrics do seem REALLY relevant if you happen to have a December due date).

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you, baby

Things That Are Bugging Me: Pop Culture Edition

1. Little People. Or, more specifically, TV shows about Little People. Little People having babies, Little People standing on stools to cook things, Little People driving tractors. ENOUGH with the Little People. They're not even that little.
2. Ditto the TV shows about competitive cake-making. EVEN CAKES NEED A PLOT.
3. Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus. You know you feel the same way.
4. Heidi Klum. Her post-baby-four catwalk body is just further proof that she is, indeed, a robot.
5. Red Bull. Unless you are 1) a fourteen year-old boy or 2) a declining pop star, there's just no call for it.
6. Al Roker. So smug with his weather, his barbecue, his stomach staples and that dumb murder mystery he's hawking. Plus something about that guy just reads CHILD MOLESTER to me.
7. Nickelback. Because no one should sound like they're straining over a bowel movement while simultaneously inhaling a liter of bong smoke when they're recording a song. Even if that is EXACTLY what they are doing.
8. Snuggies. I just don't get it.
9. All those Levi Johnston interviews. Mostly because that d-bag made it impossible for me to name my baby Levi. And I really liked that name.
10. Howie Mandel (self explanatory).

Things I Love Thursday: Discount Knoll Textiles

Under the influence of my friend Jill over at Diaper Diaries, I've decided to give this whole "Things I Love Thursday" blog assignment a try. It feels good to have a purpose. Sort of like the smug satisfaction you get from wearing Days of the Week underpants on all the right days.

Also, I thought you might want a break from reading about things growing in my uterus, to be followed soon enough by things coming out of my boobs.

Last month I scored two pretty sweet Danish lounge chairs off eBay, affordable mainly because they are currently upholstered in the most heinous grandma fabric ever. Actually, that is an insult to grandmas everywere. (Sorry mom.) Let's just call this fabric what it is: FUGLY.

In keeping with the the chairs' mid-century pedigree, I've been searching for the perfect retro fabric for reupholstering them. And because in a blind taste test I ALWAYS seem to choose the most expensive option, of course I fell in love with the gorgeous, modern textiles collection by Knoll. These babies run 50 to 70 bucks per yard, and my project will require a good six to eight yards. Compute compute...Yikes! NOT FEASIBLE.

Except....

Here's where being on bed rest pays off. I took the time to relentlessly scour the Internet for Knoll fabric remnants...yardage left over from big corporate fat cat projects that would otherwise land in the scrap yard, rescued by nice textile fanatics like the ones over at Modern Fabrics. And that's how I managed to score 10 YARDS of this fun Knoll "Star Struck" pattern for about 100 bucks. Now, I'm not mathy, but that's 10 bucks per yard...an 80 percent discount!

This fun, chocolate covered fabric features fun little orange (ORANGE!) and cream-colored starbursts and a Nano-Tex spill resistant finish, which means it's fancy, but not TOO fancy for my dirty little spill-happy family. And ten yards gives me enough fabric to recover not just the two lounge chairs, but also the seats of six dining chairs in the adjacent room. And if those projects go well, I'm considering ordering more yardage for matching curtains!

Holy hell. I'm spending WAY too much time indoors.

Labor and Delivery

People, I've been in labor for MONTHS. But to my great relief, it's over, and at long last the world is ready to meet my... nursery.

Back when we first learned we were having another baby, we set about playing a little game of "musical bedrooms." To make way for the new resident en route, we tackled the multi-weekend task of moving Jack out of the smallest, quietest bedroom in the back of the house and into the former playroom, heretofore known as the BIG BOY room.

And when we learned we were having another baby boy, we decided to go easy on ourselves (we'd need to save our energy, after all) and stick with Jack's just-vacated "outer space" theme for our new nursery, working with the planets mural (from Wallies) and mid-century sputnik light fixture (an eBay find) already in the room.

From there, choosing a color scheme was pretty easy. We wanted to keep the cream walls (too lazy to repaint) and use a couple white pieces we already had from Jack's baby days. My recent obsession with ORANGE quickly came to anchor the room, in the form of a tiled (and spit-up impervious) "poodle" rug from Flor (to warm up the hardwoods after we pulled up the carpet). To keep things interesting, we mixed in a few pops of red, yellow and aqua blue (inspired by the planets in the mural). I hope the result is a space that's both soothing AND stimulating for my wee guy.

Up next was crib bedding. I wanted something space-themed with a vintage vibe, but nothing overly precious that screamed BABY. I couldn't find what I wanted in stores, but I DID come across it in the form of David Walker's Robots and Rockets fabric line. Twelve excruciating weeks later this custom bedding set adorned with tiny planets, rockets and stripes arrived at my doorstep, compliments of Etsy (and my parents, who generously footed the bill).

After searching high and low for a modern crib and changing table without a four-figure price tag, we settled on the Baby Mod line from Walmart (yes...Walmart), thanks to a tip-off from the savvy parents on the nursery design blog Ohdeedoh.

Ben's parents sent the perfect planetary mobile, purchased from a shop in the funky little hippie town of Yellow Springs, OH. Hung from the ceiling over the crib, its gently spinning orbit will hopefully catch baby's eye (when he can see that far).

To offset those strong modern lines, I softened things up with a fuzzy lambskin rug and an equally nubby ecru changing pad. And from a simple shelf above the changing table hangs an "Ugly Doll" monster mobile of my own making. Created from deconstructed key chains, it should keep the little guy's handles occupied and OUT of his dirty diaper while we change him. Additional objects of distraction (toys and soft books) are tucked away in a Riesenthel magazine rack hung from the closet door, courtesy of my beloved mecca, The Container Store (a.k.a. The Mother Ship).

When Ben's parents offered to gift us a nursery glider, I entertained a few options from NurseryWorks before opting to scour eBay for the perfect Danish modern find. This mid-century rocker and ottoman were right-sized for both my 5'3" stature AND my narrow staircase from hell, and came reupholstered in a cream-colored damask fabric. A stylish and incredibly comfortable score!

To cozy things up for those around-the-clock feedings, I added a modern tray table from West Elm, a futuristic, lust-worthy lamp from Noguchi, and a couple orange and red vintage robot prints found on Etsy (in Target frames). A roomy Riesenthel bin is the perfect place for storing all my nursing essentials...a Boppy, burp clothes and a few trashy magazines.

So that's that. I'm out of wall space, out of floor space, out of money and ALMOST out of time. Meanwhile, the monitors are charging, the butt-wipes are warming and the receiving blankets are laundered and ready to, well, RECEIVE.

The fruits of my labor, delivered.

All for the fruits of my loins.

Follicular Independence Day

Me: Tomorrow you're getting your haircut.

Jack: I wanna get a MOHAWK!

Me: What?? You want a...mohawk?

Jack: YES!

Me: Why?

Jack: Just...because I DO!

Me: I don't think so.

Jack: But I WANT one.

Me: Listen honey, the holidays are coming, plus we're going to be taking a lot of pictures when the baby gets here. You don't want to have a mohawk for our Christmas card photo, do you?

Jack: Yes! I DO!

Me: Maybe you can get one this summer.

Jack: Noooooo! I want a mohawk NOW!

Me: I don't know....

Jack: It's NOT FAIR! Kids don't get ANYTHING they want. Grown ups get to decide EVERYTHING!

Me (thinking): The kid's got a point.

Final Score? Jack: 1 Mommy: 0

BEFORE

DURING

AFTER

Happy Independence Day, kiddo.

Pimp My Baby's Ride

The second-time mother-to-be has a few advantages over her 1.0, oh so naïve counterpart. When it comes to getting ready for baby, she's savvy. She knows her stuff—what's worth spending her money on, and what's not.

Unfortunately, she's probably already given most of the "good stuff" away.

When I was expecting Jack six years ago, I researched zillions of car seats before settling on a navy blue gingham Graco Snugride infant carrier, complete with extra bases for the vehicles of my nearest and dearest relatives and strangers. All told, I laid out about $300 for the seat and accessories, but it was well worth it. Jack rode comfortably in that seat for a year, and when combined with a handy Snap N' Go it converted into a convenient stroller. I found it so indepensible that I happily passed it along to a friend when Jack outgrew it, knowing full well that by the time I had another baby car seats would be a thing of the past, replaced by flying space pods or something.

Flash forward five years. I'm expecting again, and now living in Missouri, where they inexplicably call these contraptions "pumpkin seats." And I need one.

Luckily for me, the sisterhood of traveling maternity pants is also in the business of loaning out baby gear. The nice lady from Deadlines and Naptimes came to my rescue AGAIN, loaning me her recently-vacated Snugride and a slew of extra bases. The seat was in great condition, with a perfectly nice, gender-neutral tan plaid design.

The only issue? It didn't match my car, or my diaper bag. And yes, I am just the sort of shallow, ridiculous woman who obsesses about these things. And I just bet you are the sort that obsesses about these things too.

A little social media research helped me uncover Graco's little-known secret: For under $50, you can order a brand new pad set and matching canopy for your older-model Snugride. Which means that if your newborn son is not yet man enough to rock his sister's hot pink hand-me-down, you don't necessarily have to pony up the cash for a whole new seat. Or if, like me, your seat is perfectly fine as it is but you just need EVERYTHING TO MATCH, you can simply order up a wardrobe change.

Check out my Snugride's before an after:

It all matches!

Wanna try it yourself? Here's all you need to do: Grab the model and serial number off your old Snugride and head over to Graco's Contact Us page. Submit an inquiry, and within a few days a nice lady like "Christina R." will get back to you with a list of fabric packages that match your model. From there, you just call Graco at 1-800-345-4109 and place your order. Hand over $48.95, and a few days later your spankin' new pad kit will arrive at your door.

Leaving you plenty of leftover cash to splurge on all those other baby essentials. You know, like custom-made crib bumpers, butt-wipe warmers and Noguchi nightlights.